It's Never Too Late To...

"Regret is the absense of a lesson learned." - J. MacKenna

We do so much to people in our lives, they do so much to us. We spend so much time holding on to the pain and the hurts, daydreaming of revenge or payback. We carry the baggage of our pains around with us like a subconcious security blanket, so when that pain comes around again, we will know what it feels like, from before. Like an uncomfortable old shoe that still sits in our closet. We let the pain define us, change us and shape our views and attitudes. How many sit back and actually think about the pain we've caused others and the pain people have caused us? There is no escaping hurting someone or causing someone pain. Yes, there are people out there who carry deep scars and pain that we caused them, knowingly or not. It's a bitter pill to swallow. I know I have hurt people and while I may not remember everything I have done, I know they do. There's not one of us who is innocent, not one of us who doesn't have old scars and pain from things we've been through. We may be aware of what we've done, we may not but it's important to remember that someone was effected by us and they haven't forgotten. It's not always enough to say sorry. While many of us get to the point of learning valuable lessons from the wrong done to us or the wrong we’ve done, there is one final step that needs to happen in order to truly move past it. Forgiveness. See forgiveness isnt about them, it's about you. It's about what you release from your heart and soul. It's about freeing yourself. I pray that people forgive me for the things I’ve done, regardless of how great or small my transgression was but for that to happen, I have to take that final step too. Now this a collective, not from one person alone but a lifetime. Here is my final step to those who've hurt me:

I forgive you for not being there when I needed you the most. I forgive you for not loving me. I forgive you for telling me I was a mistake. I forgive you for not wanting me. I forgive you for lying to me. I forgive you for whipping me. I forgive you for beating me. I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you for saying I didn’t matter and would never amount to anything. I forgive you for not showing you cared. I forgive you for crashing my car. I forgive you for raping me. I forgive you for breaking me and shattering my faith in you. I forgive you for poisoning me. I forgive you for laughing at me when I cried. I forgive you for treating me different and holding it against me. I forgive you for criticizing my weight or my looks. I forgive you for judging me. I forgive you for hating me. I forgive you for saying that I’m replaceable. I forgive you for cheating on me. I forgive you for forgetting about me. I forgive you for throwing my faith in my face. I forgive you for wishing me dead. I forgive you for not trying for me as hard as I tried for you. I forgive you for trying to come between me and my children. I forgive you for setting my car on fire with me inside. I forgive you for trashing my Bible as a way to hurt me. I forgive you for not wanting me at all. I forgive you for lying about my dad. I forgive you for taking advantage of me. I forgive you for not choosing me. I forgive you for trying to find me to kill me after I left you. I forgive you for killing yourself instead of calling me. I forgive you for hurting my family. I forgive you for slapping me. I forgive you for leaving your footprints on my ribs and your knuckle prints on my face. I forgive you for spreading lies behind my back. I forgive you for taking your stresses out on me. I forgive you for leaving me. I forgive you for the names you’ve called me. I forgive you for saying you regret me. I forgive you for comparing me to other women, even my own family. I forgive you for stealing from me. I forgive you for choking me. I forgive you for sleeping with my best friend. I forgive you for the threats and the bruises. I forgive you for the things I can't remember but have left pain in my heart.

But most of all, I forgive you.. because God forgave me.